Have you ever stepped into an uncertainty? Or are you thinking into one? Can you imagine what will happen once you’ve landed your footstep? Uncertainty can happen when you are about to change your career, move out to a new place, start out a business, or step into parenthood season. Uncertainty in life can indeed scare you and the thought of it can be daunting. It is either make you flee or make you free. Feeling of fears can be too overwhelming that might stop you from actually doing it. Fears can range from the fear of feeling rejected, failure, what others think about you, or what you think what other people think about you. But once you decide just to face it, wear courage in on your neck, you will experience new things that you haven’t before. Then when you look back, you give yourself pat in the back because you have made the choice. And that is a bravery.
Fifteen years ago, there was a man found naked, beaten and unconscious near Burger King’s dumpsters in Georgia. Fire ants crawling on his skin and hot red rash appeared over his body. He was found by the restaurant’s employee and immediately called for a help. Based on his physical condition, it seemed that he had been living rough in the past years. When the team tried to identify him, he had no wallet, therefore there was no identification of him. He was then rescued to a local hospital to further diagnose him but to no avail. He seemed like he lost his memory and experienced schizophrenia. When he was asked for his name, he referred himself as “B.K.”—which was oddly resembled as the restaurant chain where he was found—or ‘Benjaman’ with the odd double ‘a’ in ‘Benjaman’. But later he decided to use ‘Kyle’ as his name, as this story is told by Matt Wolfe from The Republic.
Since that day, there were numerous attempts to restore his real identity by police, the FBI, journalists, missing person experts and countless detectives. But all attempts ended in failure. It seemed like no one did not recognize him even though his pictures appeared on television and internet many times a decade later.
Can you imagine if this person is you? You wake up one day not knowing who you are, where you are or how you get to arrive there due to amnesia? It is indeed a horrifying event that certainly you don’t want to be experiencing. The story of Benjaman Kyle is one of the unknown identity stories due to physical injuries. Now imagine if this happens in a mental level—the unseen part: when you don’t know who you are due to the negative voices or opinions that are spoken to you. Your spouse says something about you, your parents say something about you, your friends say something about you, the media also says something about you, even you may say something about you. Which one to believe? Friends, know that “they say something because they want you to be like what they want you to be, not what God intended you to be,” exclaimed Ps. Rick Warren from Saddleback Church, California. You may have received harsh words that makes you feel you don’t matter, guilty, ashamed or are not good enough and not important. These are not true. These are lies that steal your true identity away from you. I know how challenging it is to not think of these words because they are repeated over and over again in your head. It is hard to believe that more positive words are true. But don’t lose hope, I will walk you through on why those words are not true.
Have you ever felt insecure in yourself? If yes, have you ever thought that it could impact the way you behave and many areas in your life? Since I was a teenager, I knew I was not the one that would volunteer to lead a group, present my own idea, speak my opinion or talk in front of an audience. I would shy away from such opportunities because I did not have that kind of confidence and I was feeling someone else might be better than me. When I entered adulthood, I discovered I had another insecurity: the fear of being abandoned and feeling useless. I would share you a piece of my story on how I discovered them, greatly affected myself and other people around me and lastly, how I overcame them.
Do you like spending time with your friends? I personally do. It can be an enriching experience by catching up with life, talking about interests or goals, sharing personal struggles or even seeking comfort and advice. But have you ever given a thought that whom you hang out with the most will influence many areas… without you even realizing it? I was grateful that I had a chance to study and experienced living in a foreign country even though it was for less than a year. I was beyond excited and ready to taste new experiences. It was a pleasant and hopeful start, and full of new dreams, until at one point it became a nightmare that I wish I would not wake up anymore, literally.
This post was inspired by a long-lost friend I knew from Twitter. Her name is Awen (oh, how I miss those old Twitter-ing days!), She is someone that I consider much talented in the way she expresses things through words. Beautiful, thought-provoking, and empowering at the same time. I once did this list few years back then and successfully accomplished more than some of my goals. Since then, things have changed. I have grown up. My thoughts process has evolved and new dreams are formed. I thought I would want to give it another go this time.
After much consideration and thought, here are the things I want to accomplish within these 1,001 days!
I often visualize myself coming into a new island, a new society after going out from darkness. Half a year ago I said I want to run for the horizon, I want to run for the sunshine with my renewed mind. Infinite hope is in my heart. My love tank is full. I smile delightfully and greet every person I meet along the road, introduce myself as a newcomer. I spread happiness. I take chance and opportunity whenever they are available. I have new and fun experiences that I have never encountered before. I slowly grow as a person. I tell people my stories. They are impressed. I tell people my struggles. They are inspired. They even put my story in the local bulletin board. I feel like my face radiates sunbeams.